Eyes of the Innocent

The photo is what put it over the top.

Oh, there had been other ominous developments. Like when news filtered into the offices of that Eyes of the Innocent had sold through its initial print run in nine days and was now into a second printing. Or when all those glowing reviews kept popping up (seriously, can't anyone—other than that one angry woman on Amazon—see fit to rip this guy?). Then there are his press clippings, his extensive blog tour, or the appearance he made on the local CBS affiliate.

It was all getting pretty bad. But we knew it was finally time to take action when we received this photo, snapped before Brad's event at Books and Crannies in Terrell, Texas:

Brad in BC

"What do they think he is, a celebrity or something?" said Peter, the slothful intern, shaking his head. "Oh, he's going to be impossible now."

"You're right," said Sarah, the smart intern. "I guess it's time."

Zach, the silly intern, nodded and added, "Definitely time."

As usual, Maggie, the clueless intern, had no idea what we were talking about. And she finally stammered out, "Time... time for what?"

"For Operation BuBBLE," Zach said.

"Operation... BuBBLE?"

"It stands for 'Burst Brad's unBearably Large Ego,'" Sarah said. "You may have notced Brad tends to get a little full of himself, especially when he's just coming off book tour."

Peter jumped in: "Like, for example, do you know what he told me on the phone the other day? He said on one book collecting website, a signed first edition, first printing copy of Faces of the Gone is going for a hundred dollars!"

"Damn, I've been using mine to prop up a wobbly card table," Zach said. "Think I can still get fifty bucks for it? For that matter, we've still got a few signed firsts in the storage room. What kind of party could we throw if we..."

"That's not the point, Zach," Sarah scolded. "You'd just be encouraging him."

And that's the last thing anyone needs. So we're implementing Operation BuBBLE, which we'll put into place just as soon as Brad comes back to the office after completing his tour. It's a multi-stage intervention where we remind him things like:

  • He's not even the bestselling author named Brad (Meltzer and Thor totally kick his tail).

  • His desperate bid to become one of Taylor Swift's back-up singers failed miserably.

  • His own alter ego, Carter Ross, is, at best, the fourth most-popular character in his series, behind Tommy Hernandez, Sweet Thang and, most of all, Deadline the Cat.

We'll come up with other stuff, too. But, in the meantime, do us a favor. Brad has a few events left on the Still-Dashing Tour™, including some recently added stops in Virginia, New Jersey, Maryland and Pennsylvania. Please stop by and taunt him creatively.

Then tell him there's more of that waiting for him when he gets back to the office.

Yours in Name of Humility,

The Interns